“One more light goes out…”

Last night I was sitting in my yard with my brothers and my mom. That’s when my younger brother Pit, told me that Chester Bennington from Linking Park was dead. At first, I didn’t believe him, then I saw that it’s everywhere on the internet. I was shocked.

I don’t like this kind of posts, but I grew up listening to Linkin Park’s songs. They are part of my teenage years. I knew Chester was struggling with his life, and he had a traumatic childhood. You could feel it from their songs. But suicide? That’s what shocked me the most, and triggered me to write this post.

The lead singer of one of the most successful bands in the world. With 6 children and a lovely wife. With a net of 30 million dollars. Why? Why taking away his own life? Why killing himself? Because he wasn’t happy. 

The world right now is in the middle of a mental health crisis. Almost half the population suffers from depression sometime in their lives. I’ve been through depression too. I’m not really comfortable talking about this publicly, but I was sometimes thinking about suicide. And I want to share with you what was happening in my mind back then so you can be aware of this.

Okay, first of all, everything started with a problem. I don’t want to get into details right now, but back then it seemed like a huge problem to me. Then over-thinking came in. I was thinking about it all day long. All I wanted to do was sleep so I wouldn’t think about it. Every day the problem was growing, and I didn’t feel strong enough to face it. The worse part is that people around you, can’t understand the situation. And they can sometimes make the things worse because they don’t know what’s in your mind. When you overthink, only one word can blow up your mind completely. So there were times that I was drowning in my own thoughts and I thought that ending my life would be an easy way to stop thinking. An easy way from my problems to disappear. It would happen in just a few seconds and then I would be free.

Well, thank God that I wasn’t mad enough to do it. Honestly, I don’t think I would do it. All these were just thoughts. I was struggling a lot with my life. We all do. Some struggles are bigger than other ones, or we think they are. Struggling is a part of life, we all struggle and will struggle. But you know what? Suffering is a choice! And if you think that suicide will end the suffering, you’re wrong. You will just pass the suffering through other people. And remember! Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. The problems I had back then, are not even problems right now.

Since last December I decided to change my life. I started reading books, listening to podcasts, reading the Bible, I was doing everything I could to train my mind and grow. The problem with the world is that we focus so much on what happens from the neck and down and we forget that it all starts from our minds. Everything. 100%. It’s all in the way you think, and once you understand that, your life begins to change. No matter where you are in life, no matter what you’ve been through, no matter your situation, you can change your life completely. I know I changed my life!

When I saw that controlling my thoughts and working on myself was actually working, I was mad. I was mad that I’ve discovered “right thinking” when I was 21. What would happen if I knew this earlier? How my life would be right now? In school, we are taught mathematics, physics, chemistry, or how to get a job, but no one teaches us how to live in a state of happiness. No one teaches us how important our thoughts are! Imagine how perfect this world would be if we were taught about this in school. I think suicide wouldn’t exist as a word.

“When you realize how perfect everything is, you will tilt your head back and laugh at the sky.” – Buddha

You’re here in this amazing world for a reason. You have the power to create your own life, and there is no limit on that. There is no limit on your thoughts! So I want you, from now on to choose your thoughts carefully and change your life!

If you are feeling like I did, and you are going through depression or you struggle with something, please talk! I remember I didn’t want to talk to anyone close to me. Because they wouldn’t understand me, and that’s totally okay. Talk to someone that has been through depression. Read life-changing books, watch a motivational video on Youtube. You can even send me an e-mail (simplyapostolia@gmail.com). I really want to help you in any way I can! You deserve better. We all deserve better! Take your life into your own hands. Ans as Martin Luther King used to say: “Take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.”

Much love, Apostolia.

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32 thoughts on ““One more light goes out…”

  1. Thanks for sharing, I am glad to hear you are living in the positive! I haven’t been in a place that you have but I’ve been passed along the suffering from 2 very close people in my life and know others gone too soon from suicide. I was doing the same thing last night by getting my thoughts out on my blog too. http://bit.ly/2vq9BVW

    Liked by 1 person

    • Just read your thoughts. I strongly believe we should let everyone know about this issue. I know how these people feel, and no one deserves to feel like this! We all need to help in any way we can.

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  2. I saw the news too and I’m sad. I’m not a fan of LP, but I heard them for a while in their first “days” and cannot avoid to feel sorry for someone to feel so unhappy he really wants to take his life. As Dahlai Lama says we spend our life working and work to live. This is very sad, because NO ONE is focusing on being happy. We are tought from youth to aim for the maximum money possible, not the maximum happiness. People are leaving dreams to go for a job that pays them more, hoping that that extra money will buy them something that will make them happy. Here in my country, with the huge unemployment, because of the 2008 bank chris, people are engaging in following their dreams and making their on jobs, sucessfully. Well, this is not my case (the sucessfull one), but my son has tought me to listen to my inner voice and we are focusing our life on beeing and on happiness rather than anything else. And yes, we have to keep in our minds that everything has a solution… except death.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks for commenting sweety. I really love your point of view. I’m glad that there are more people that think like me. Life is full of possibilities! We’re living in 2017, the greatest time in the history of the earth. Everything can be solved! There’s always a solution except death as you said!

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    • Everything is mental. Illnesses, money, relationship problems. Everything is mental. I know it’s hard to believe, but if you seek a bit more on this, you will realize how strong our minds are.

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  3. Wow, I am glad you found things to motivate you to keep going and be happy. It can be strange to see so many prominent figures going their own way, and especially confusing for those having a tough time.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Everyone deserves to be happy. And what makes me even madder, is that prominent figures as you said, killing themselves. What example will they give to others fighting with their inner thoughts? To other’s thinking of suicide? I really hope more people will be aware of this issue.

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  4. It was really sad hearing yesterday’s news about his death. My daughter suffered from depression and had struggled with it the past few years. She’s got a handle on it for the most part but there are days, like yesterday, that hit a nerve. Its definitely not something to be taken lightly, whether famous or not.

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    • There will always be dark days. I have dark days. Sometimes weeks! But what I keep telling myself is that the storm will be over, the clouds will go away and the Sun will shine! The Sun will always shine, no matter what. No matter how big or small the storm is. I hope your daughter will see how beautiful life is and all the possibilities she has!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Hi, Apostolia! I love that you wrote this blog, thought about the risks of sharing this kind of personal information, then hit the “publish” button anyway! It seems you feel ready to allow others a glimpse into the pain you have felt, the thoughts of killing yourself that rose up at that time, and how you managed to get to a healthier, happier place now! I really relate. I, too, have gone through the “depths of despair,” as we say, and now I write to continue my healing and to give others a little hope along the way. So keep it up, girl! Thanks for being vulnerable and courageous.

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    • Well, thank you so much for your kind words. I really believe that no one deserves to feel this way, because I’ve been there, and you’ve been there. We overcame depression, we’ve gone through hard times and yet here we stand stronger than ever! Life is a beautiful gift we should be grateful about this every single day!

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      • You are welcome, Apostolia! Life is a gift, indeed, even when we don’t feel like it is. Keep up the courage!

        Liked by 1 person

  6. Depression is a serious mental health problem that needs the help of physicians as well as the people around the person suffering from it. A lot of things happening around us, cruelty, bullying, poverty and family problems may lead to depression. But as you have said, we deserve better. Taking your own life won’t solve any problem. Seek help.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Many people don’t realize our own overthinking can play a huge part in depression. It is important to seek proper help and surround yourself with people who are encouraging and understanding.

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    • People in your life play an important role in depression. They can tear you down, or they can lift you up. It’s really important to support and help people suffering from it…

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  8. A topic dear to my own heart ❤ I think we would all be surprised how many people have their own stories, similar to this, of their own. The more we share the more we realize that we are not alone in this great big, crazy planet

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I too was saddened when I heard this tragic news. Depression can take over mind and body and we never know what it can make us do.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. What a tragic loss of a vibrant productive life. He was part of a beautiful music movement.
    I wish I could hug all who think of suicide and tell them to take a chance on life and get mental health counseling. The pain left behind is hard.
    Glad you found your way back and may others do the same.❤

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    • I really hope that people will be more aware from this.. A hug would be the best option you’re right! Love and understanding. That’s what we all need to do! Thanks for commenting Elizabeth…

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  11. its good that you started to read more books and listen to podcasts – we forget sometimes the mind needs some stimulation

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  12. Thank you for this inspiring post. It is funny that I know I am suffering from depression and yet no one in my family believes me. So I don’t talk about it anymore. I just keep it all inside. It is slowly changing me. I feel I am not the same person I was a year ago. I hope I will be able to crawl out of this rut. Depression is real, but no one understands.

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    • People won’t understand it sweety and it’s alright. Depression is a battle with yourself, and you are stronger than you think! Try to make yourself feel better. Try to change a few things in your life for the better. Nothing will change honey unless you change! If you will need someone to talk I will always be here! ❤ Sending you a virtual hug!

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  13. Thanks so much for sharing and being open about your struggles. So glad to hear you took some seriously positive steps and are now living a happy life

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